Herb's Diary

When asked, a few weeks ago, what I was going to get for my sister's soon to be born child, I wasn't sure whether she wanted me to send Gold, Frankincense or Myrrh! I settled on just a card in the end. Baby Ben was born on 30th July and he's doing fine :-)

Apparently Life is about amassing fulfilling experiences, forming meaningful relationships and possibly even bringing up kids.
I thought it was about accumulating as many Tesco club card points as possible without buying anything you didn't really need. Hmmm, wonder which view is right...

I've decided against asking Brown Owl for a book on Atheism this Christmas.

These diary entries are not intended to be a series of attacks on Brown Owl, sorry if it looks that way but... Holiday Gifts! - arrghh!
Who invented the rule that said if you go on holiday it's customary to bring back a gift? My folks now appear to be on holiday more weeks of the year than not. Well they're retired and they've bought a camper van so what else are they supposed to do?! Hence the influx of pointless holiday gifts is on the increase. Thankfully father manages to restrain mother to just offering a token these days. The latest gift is half a dozen herbs and spices encased in plastic and then placed inside an 'authentic' hessian bag. Not sure if the spices are authentic from the Isle of White or the Caribean - I get the holidays mixed up! Anyway I've never used bay leaves or cloves in cooking and I'm not sure I want to start now.
- and as for Post Cards - don't get me started!

Arrived home from work to find a mass of shredded paper, foil and pieces of chocolate on the carpet below my letter box. Eventually realising it was the remnants of a chocolate advent calendar, I decided to telephone Brown Owl (to thank her of course). Apparently it was essential to force it through my letter box, while I was out, so that I would receive it in time for 'advent Sunday.'
I am 34 years old.

when there's nowhere to go and you're feeling like a part of you is dying...
Ok so I guess a mobile full of frosty text messages and a walk round Dam Flask does not constitute a relationship. Sorry, I just don't get it, I never have.

Hmmmmmmmm... Perhaps the impromptu 'Dance-Off' at my Sister's wedding reception, that I more than just participated in, was not one of my better ideas!

And What Have I Done?
Well I've been hanging loud speakers from trees, using elasticated roof-rack clips, as Father tries to ring some clarity and volume out of an under-powered mono, mostly home-made 1970s 'PA System.' This is so that local school children can try to avoid singing and playing, community group activists can sell raffle tickets and 'mould wine' and guilty lapsed church goers get to go through carol singing motions.
All in the line of duty I guess.

I was invited to a barbecue today which I dutifully attended, back at the family home. Excellent spread:- steak, chicken, burgers, sausage, salads, the works. The cooking got underway, guests chatted and enjoyed the afternoon, until...
A guest, who had just been offered a sausage, asked if there was any bread to make a Hot Dog. A bread roll was found and so was this reply: "We don't eat junk food here."